I miss the old days of waking up in the morning just before I had to leave to school.  The familiar routine of brushing my teeth, getting dressed, and eating breakfast – I had it down to a science, doing it all in under 10 minutes.  Nowadays, leaving my house involves mentally preparing myself the night before, getting myself and my two children dressed and fed.  Provided that all of our schedules coincide smoothly we are out the door for 1-2 hours, only to head back home right after because someone is hungry or tired.

What really helped, back in the day, was that my school had very strict uniform policies.  As soon as I left school, getting dressed was a lengthy procedure, and not a pretty sight.  Sometimes I had to try on 3 outfits each morning, with half my wardrobe strewn over my bed.  (I’m almost too embarrassed to say, but still happens often )

So, I often wonder, how can schools NOT have a uniform?

The advantages:

• Time saver
• Cheaper
• Less pressure on children having to worry about how they look
• School able to ensure everyone is dressed appropriately and modestly
• Neat looking

While I strongly advocate that schools implement a uniform, children will bend the rules so they can stand out. Be it with their glasses, hair styles, or shoes. Here are some great “old school” styles that are actually weaving their way back into fashion:

Glasses, originally a source for mockery (four eyes), have become a telltale sign of a person’s fashion sense. To the extent that people include non-prescription eye-wear as part of their ensemble.

The original t-bar school shoes are always a classic, and go well with just about any outfit you can put together.

Remember to keep your hair in a tight ponytail, preferably a braid, to avoid catching lice.  A little trick: add a few drops of tea-tree oil to a water spritzer and spray your hair each morning to repel lice. It also helps with styling. Though time consuming, French braids are great for long hair. Here are step by step guidelines.

Good luck for the new school year!

We had the pleasure of speaking with Reina Lewis, Artscom Centenary Professor of Cultural Studies, London College of Fashion, University of the Arts London for a research project and had the opportunity to interview her about her study.  What follows is the result of the interview:

1 – What prompted you to start the study?

Well, although I am a professor at the London College of Fashion, unlike many of my creative and talented colleagues, I can’t actually make anything… my approach to fashion and dress has always been to think about the social and cultural factors that influence how we dress and how our clothing is interpreted by others. A lot of my work to date has been research on Britain’s historical relations with the Middle East and the ‘Muslim world’, looking particularly at images of Muslim and ‘Oriental’ women in art and literature. The recent controversies over the Muslim veil (be it head covering or face covering) in the UK and in Europe have led me to a more contemporary project on new trends in Muslim style. In the media and politics the veil is usually seen as a controversial symbol and rarely as an item of clothing – but, I want to argue, it is very clear that many young women are combining faith with fashion in the coolest possible ways. I think that if people can be persuaded to consider religiously motivated dress – from any community – within the frame of fashion it helps to break down stereotypes. Fashion is generally seen as all about personal choice and style, whereas signs of religious adherence are often regarded as signs of collective, ahistorical identities – the opposite of individuality and modernity and fashion.

It was also clear to me that there is an increase in religious activity among the three Abrahamic faiths world-wide, that this is particularly so with a young demographic, and that often (though less so with the Jewish community perhaps), it is the dress and self-presentation of young women that is the most visible sign of this religious awakening in public. In the UK we see this most clearly with young Muslim women, many of whom are combining modest dressing with modern fashion in ways quite unlike their mothers or grandmothers who were often more likely to wear head-coverings as part of ‘ethnic’ or regional dress. Last year I was awarded a grant by the UK Arts and Humanities Research Council to pursue this cross-faith line of enquiry as part of their Religion and Society Programme. Their one year funding allowed me to join forces with Dr Emma Tarlo from Goldsmith’s College, London in an exploration of modest fashion trends among  Muslim, Jewish and Christian women.

I knew that I would have to look to Canada and the US to find brands serving the needs of modest dressers within Christian and Jewish communities, because the population there is bigger, and I had a hunch I would end up in Brooklyn… which is exactly where I found H2O.

2 – Where did you first hear about us?
I have a wonderful researcher on the project called Jane Cameron, whose first job was to scan the internet looking for blogs, brands, discussion fora concerned with modest fashion and religion. Jane came across H2O because it was mentioned on blogs and because we found your website using search engine terms like ‘modest fashion’ and ‘modest dress’ .

3 – What are you finding to be the most striking similarities and differences between religious groups that find modest clothing important?

Our research so far, and we are only half way through this one year project, has focused on Christian modest dressers, most notably those in the Church of the Latter Day Saints (LDS) with a few Catholic and other Christian denominations, groups in the Jewish and Haredi Jewish communities, as well as Muslim brands and consumers in the UK and US/Canada. The first thing to say, before I itemize some of the overlaps and distinctions, is that you will find as many variations within religions as between religions – so please don’t interpret any of this as definitive.

Our early research findings suggest that across all these groups it is definitely the case that women now find it easier to achieve modest dressing without sacrificing style. Women are combining items from mainstream fashion brands with products from companies like H2O and others that specialise in the modest market, so that a ‘regular’ dress might be rendered suitable for modesty by wearing a shell, etc.

There are some variations in what and how women want to cover. Women who are part of the LDS community need to cover from just below the shoulder to just above the knee, but are generally comfortable to wear a top that is an inch or so below the collarbone, whereas many Muslim women would want to cover from their neck to their wrist, or at least lower down the forearm, and would rarely wear a shorter skirt without leggings or trousers underneath. Jewish women as you know, tend to cover higher at the neck, sometimes to the wrist, or below the elbow, and to at least below the knee. But the biggest difference is that whilst most Muslim and Jewish modest dressers would be concerned that their garments do not cling too close to the body, LDS women are comfortable with clothes that are more form fitting.

On the other hand, Muslims and many Christians will wear pants [as you say over there] but orthodox Jewish women won’t. However this is not a hard and fast rule as there has also been a big ‘no pants’ debate among different Christian commentators, some of whom equate modesty with a version of femininity that sees pants as men’s clothing.

4 – Where do you see the role of blogging and social media taking the modest clothing industry over the next few years?
Internet marketing makes any niche market possible [whether it is organic baby gros or plus size clothing] because brands don’t have the overheads of shops, staff, etc. But more than simply selling product, the internet also allows brands to talk to their consumers, and allows consumers to talk to each other. It is not just that there are now more companies out there manufacturing and/or distributing clothes that meet the needs of modest dressers, but that there is a whole range of virtual communities developing where women, sometimes men, discuss what modesty means to them alongside sharing information about how to achieve this season’s ‘must have’ look in a modest way. Bloggers have become hugely important in the fashion world, and increasingly influential. Just as in the mainstream fashion sector, the range of blog activity in the modest fashion sector has grown, diversified and segmented: some bloggers now have links to selected brands, some blogs are generated by brands as part of their lifestyle profile, and some bloggers have started their own companies.

The most noticeable thing about social media in relation to modest dressing is that many bloggers and websites also link readers to material that is not just about fashion, but that might be about related social, political, spiritual and cultural issues. Modest dressing can take you into a whole range of discussions – and, crucially, these discussions might easily be with people from outside your own religion. We often see people from different faith communities and those who are secular discussing matters of modesty online. The internet’s ability to connect you with people that you might never meet in real life, can be really important in terms of inter-faith dialogue – as well as providing cool fashion tips!

5 – Do you see clear influencers in the space? How might that change?
There are several notable bloggers who show great sophistication in how they handle the range of opinion about what constitutes modesty. Given that in any one religion there will be several interpretations, as well as differences of opinion between religions [and between those who dress modestly but not for religious reasons], I think that the most influential people are those who can accommodate different views with sophistication and grace. It can be really hard to moderate discussions about a topic where people can feel really strongly that they are the only one in the right, and I have been really impressed with how diplomatically some of the bloggers mediate between contributors.

How might this change? well, I think that as the field expands and more people get online on this subject we will see blogs or social media that are more tailored in terms of who they want their audience to be. I suspect that it is not religious specificity so much that might define new sites/fora etc, but matters of taste, style, age, being a mom, etc. In other words, I think that women have gotten to really like talking to modest dressers from other communities, but that what they like more is the chance to specialise that discussion with other women who share their style – after all, not all modest dressers like to wear black, not all women like florals, women who work have different style dilemmas to stay at home moms, 50 year olds might prefer to talk to each other and not to teenagers… Why shouldn’t there be as many sites/media for modest dressers as there are mainstream fashion magazines?

6 – What is your favorite community to keep up with modest clothing on the web?
I asked Jane for her thoughts on this too, and we agree that the fora for at-home-moms are good to follow as there is so much diversity of opinion and they attract respondents from different religious communities, as well as none, who are all interested in modest dress. Likewise, and for the same reasons, foras that are say specifically ‘Christian’ or ‘Muslim’ have been very insightful and provided an excellent range of views. These fora also demonstrate that contrary to often negative media representations or popular belief, ‘Christians’, or say ‘Muslims’, are not a strictly homogenous unit or entity (or population) but do consist of a magnificent, diverse range of communities and they are engaging in lively, and fun, debate online between each other, within the wider traditions, and out with, across religions (and obviously from what we have been observing it has all been to do with fashion!).

7 – Can other people and businesses contact you to further your research about modest clothing on the Internet?
Yes please! I would be delighted to hear from businesses and individuals who are interested in modest fashion. If you are someone who dresses with modesty in mind and would be willing to talk to me about your style choices I would be so happy to hear from you. If you run a business that caters to the modest market I would love to hear what you do, and if you regularly blog, or tweet, about modesty and style do please get in touch. I want to know what’s hot, what’s not, and what you think is the way forward for modish modesty.
You can email me on reina.lewis@fashion.arts.ac.uk and I will promise to respond. I will also promise to keep your participation confidential if this is what you prefer – I am quite happy for research participants to choose an alias for use in any publications.
We will also be hosting a virtual conference in December so that we can talk to women who dress modestly and create an opportunity for them to talk to each other. This isn’t commercial research, but we will also be inviting selected companies because we want to know what they are thinking, as well as bloggers, journalists and commentators in the field. If you would like to be put on the mailing list for information in order to join the discussion please let me know. We will put out a reminder nearer the time [date tbc], but if you email with the subject line ‘virtual conference sign up’ I will make sure you are invited to join.

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As we deepen our grieving process during these three weeks and enter the final nine days of the Hebrew month of Av, we refrain further from things that make us joyful.  So what’s joyful to one person, may not be joyful to another.  For my husband, for example, nine days without meat is certainly something to mourn.  I’m more of dairy person, so I’m secretly looking forward to cheesey lasagna and pancakes for dinner.

Not to worry, the Nine Days are all-inclusive and have something (to take away) for everybody.  Our custom also requests that we refrain from shopping during the three weeks, and especially on the nine days.  Ouch. Even as Children’s Place has their semi-annual sale and H2O Pink Label is selling their super versatile Lifesaver for only $20, I painfully reject my urge to shop.  Its hard, but liberating in a sense.

Throughout the Jewish year, we are offered times to reflect on our lifestyles and amenities by resisting them for a short time.  It usually makes us appreciate those things that we take for granted.  When you look at your closet, are you thinking, “what am I going to wear today that best shows who and what I represent”, or are you thinking “how can I have a closet full of clothes and have nothing to wear?”

If you’re smart, you’ll use the nine days to really reflect on what articles in your wardrobe are really essential and which are simply superfluous.  To make room for all of my after-nine-days shopping adventures, I’ve decided to use this time to reorganize my closet and set aside clothes I don’t or won’t wear.

Conveniently, we don’t do laundry during the nine days either.  That means I already have a jump start on trimming down my wardrobe.  I washed all of my most recently worn clothes and put aside my ten favorite outfits, wore them for a bit and then set them aside.  Now I have my clothes divided into three categories: the clothes I love and wear frequently, the clothes I like enough to wear, and the clothes that are still in my closet that are infrequently worn. Now all I have to do is set aside the clothes in my closet (the infrequently worn items) and replace them with my favorite and most tolerable outfits. And although it feels great to look at my organized closet, there is a deeper meaning to all of it, and its not Feng Shui.

Many people think Pesach is the perfect time to pare down your junk, and indeed, decluttering is an ongoing process, but as we reflect on the things we really need (ie Geulah, not Gucci) I think this is a perfect time to shed ourselves of all uneccesary garments, whether they’re the outer garments of my soul or the bright orange, paisley skirt my friend’s mother gave me as a present at my Sheva Brochos.

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Most people link Tznius, modesty, with suppressing sexuality.

Overexposure and suggestive dress can make women vulnerable and subject to dangerous situations. Men, especially under the influence, are prone to elevated emotions and lower inhibitions. Matthew Poarch explains: A man who is impressed by the very thing that revealing clothes accentuate will most likely be shallow and disrespectful.

Of course, challenging any motivation to cover up is the current sweltering heat and skimpy styles. In the past century female fashion has deteriorated to bare essentials, and sometimes not even that. What message are these scantily clad women  trying to give? Unfortunately they are not even aware that their dress is negatively interpreted. Our generation has become immune to the beauty and meaning of modesty.

In truth, Tznius is more about maintaining your dignity.

Tznius appreciates the necessity for females to feel attractive. At the same time, Tznius promotes a modest dress code that can respect and honor women. Tznius not only alludes to dignity, but graciousness as well. It proves that the focus is not the exterior, but the interior beauty.

Rabbi Benjamin Hecht maintains that Jewish thought indicates that human dress is motivated by Kavod HaBriut, human dignity. We respect our bodies. It is the same reason we do not tattoo ourselves, or have multiple piercings.

As a young girl I was taught that every Jewish girl is a princess, a jewel. Just as we protect our jewels by wrapping them and keeping them safe in a jewelry box, we clothes ourselves in modest dress, albeit, beautiful clothing that can make us more attractive.

The quintessential summer top for the modestly conscious.

Made of light weight material, 95% cotton and 5% spandex, it is both breathable and maintains the perfect fit. The lifesaver promises an easy wash: machine washable,  no shrinking,  or fabric deterioration. It is available in both long and 3/4 length sleeves. The 3/4 sleeve top is currently available in four great colors: Black, White, Purple, and Heather Grey. For the full length sleeve we have Black, Ivory, Silver Grey, and Navy. A great range of sizes for everyone: XS-XXL.

The lifesaver is a basic wardrobe staple that can be worn plain or as a shell. For those that wish to avoid layering their clothing in the summer, but do not like the idea of wearing a plain top, can add a long necklace or summer kerchief. I personally love a plain white refreshing top in the summer, and buy them at every opportunity!

Take advantage of the current special! Lifesavers are only $20 each (in both long and 3/4 sleeves)!

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Congratulations, you’re a mom. You may have been a mom for fifteen years or fifteen days, but either way you know the kind of self-sacrifice only a mom can really experience.  It starts with giving up your morning coffee when your pregnant and continues with every five-hour night of sleep and countless hours of back-stiffening driving school to music lessons and social outings.  When you go to a department store to look for a new pair of shoes, you inexplicably find yourself in the children’s department. At dinner, you selflessly serve your children and spouse the biggest pieces of chicken, before picking at the measly left-over portion. You’ve even spent your birthday gift certificate taking the kids out to eat, and ordering a salad.

So you give and you give and you give and what do you get back? Well, actually, a lot, but that doesn’t mean you may occasionally feel a little over-worked and under appreciated.  This reaction is not only normal, its classic.  The question is how do you react to it all?  There’s your own guilt you may have about spending every minute tending to your family’s needs, and the often overlooked guilt you project on your family when they don’t appreciate your effort.   Yes, you know the term well; guilt trip.  Add ‘Jewish’ in front and your kids don’t stand a chance.

You probably received your own guilt-tripping skills from your mother, undoubtedly passed down from munificent mother to self-denying daughter.  Before you pass on this long-lasting legacy onto your own children, consider the psychological impact your ranting could have on them. A new study from Harvard reveals that a mothers’ criticism changes her child’s brainwaves, effecting their long-term levels of depression!

This problem is so widespread and enveloping, that there’s an e-how article to help people combat it!  According to Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most and Raise Happier Kids, “of 1,306 parents surveyed, 96% said they experience feelings of guilt associated with parenting.”

The book also provides seven principles to banish your guilt:
1. You must be willing to let some things go.
2. Parenting is not a competitive sport.
3. Look toward the future and at the big picture.
4. Learn when and how to live in the moment.
5. Get used to saying “yes” more often and being able to defend your “no.”
6. Laugh a lot, especially with your children.
7. Set aside a specific time to have fun as a family.

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No one ever said being modest was easy. As spring has rapidly turned to summer, being fashionably modest has the added challenge of trying to say cool too. Sure we can try to move quickly from air conditioned home to an air conditioned car to an air conditioned workspace, but at some point you’re going to want to take your kids to the park or walk to Shul or your mother’s house on Shabbos. Heat illnesses (including strokes) can be silent, deadly and very real.

So how can you stay cool on these dog days of summer?  One study shows that drinking very cold water could help regulate your body temperature in the heat.  As for what to wear outdoors, you should know tzniusdik clothes are not necessarily a disadvantage.  After all,  people have been wearing long sleeves and cloaks in the desert and in the Middle East for thousands of years!  Our clothing can actually act like a thermal layer, protecting us from overexposure to the sun and actually keeping our temperatures balanced by wicking heat away.  The trick is to wear natural fibers that are light in color, like linen and cotton, that are good conductors of heat, so your body heat leaves quickly, but also reflect most of the sun’s rays.    This ruffled cotton vest, with a white light-weight lifesaver undershirt, coupled with this lightweight below-the knee skirt will keep you cute and comfortable on these hot summer days.

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After caring for five children and a husband, basic housework and bills, and our own careers, somehow some Immas and Mommies  still manage to find time and space to work.  The rest of us simply feel guilty when we don’t actually get around to it, although its not like we don’t get our workouts running around and keeping our lives together!  Still there’s something to be said for taking the time to work out on purpose!  For me, swimming has been a constant source of stress and joint relief, as well as a refreshing and honest workout.

I grew up in an aquatic family.  My father raced windsurfers professionally and owned his own sailing business and my brother just received a number of swimming scholarships and is an Olympic hopeful, but where does that leave me?  Where does it leave our daughters?  The Gemarah teaches us that we obligated to teach our children to swim, but this is one area that most women can’t lead by example.

So what’s the solution?  Some women who are concerned about modesty have resulted in making their own swimsuits. Some Jewish Community Center’s and Ladies’ Fitness centers provide exercise equipment and space for women only, but many of us are not so lucky.

I went the commercial route and bought a swim dress. Between observant Jews and Muslim and even Evangelical Christians, there are an increasing number of options out there.  Some have bicycle short inserts, while others come with a matching hair covering. The one I chose was simpler and about half the price of some of the others I saw, but Junee’s swim dress is both simple and stylish.

Depending on the style, brand and attachments, they can cost an arm and a leg, but it may be worth it when you consider that this dress allows you to finally visit beaches and (free)  public pools.  Take your toddler to that Wet n’ Wild outdoor swim and play area!  Now if only our husbands could go with us…

Do you have other solutions or ideas about women’s swimming opportunities? Please share!

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We’ve recently dug up an old article from the New York Times (note: PDF), published June 17, 1917, in which the author discusses some of his observations regarding the significance of woman’s clothing throughout history, and the changes that occurred after 1914.

Article from the New York Times on Women's Modest Clothing, 1917

Feminine apparel marked momentous occasions in history, as pointed out in many historical records and books; The French revolution is visualized through the liberty cap, the bodice, and the full skirt.  The author of the article says: no one brought back the picture of the day so vividly, as he who writes of the clothes worn by the people who took part in overturning or establishing governments.  Feminine trends literally color our history books.

However, the most significant change occurred after World War One, when the fashion world no longer conformed to one trend at a time.  There was a sudden explosion of style and color, incorporating costumes of various ethnic groups.  The skirt continued to shrink, which some linked to economic hardship.  And then, this overexposure of skin began to tug at many women’s intrinsic ethical standards.  The call for modest attire became the norm.  Now we observe an amalgamation of the past, the present, and the future.

As the writer most sensibly concludes, dignity is the word.  We live in a society that is completely divided on the subject of female modesty.  It is the job of individuals to maintain the image they wish to create, and most importantly, preserve their self respect.  One way is to not fall prey to overexposure.

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As with all contemporary developments, we as Jews must address them from a religious standpoint, to see if we can integrate them into our lives.  The Internet has been debated back and forth like a never ending tennis match, and approached on countless levels; some people still maintain that it is not kosher.  Today, social media poses a new dilemma.  While it requires Internet and forming many relationships, albeit impersonal ones, it is the new marketing tool.  Businesses fear they are at a disadvantage without use of it, primarily Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter.  In an article in Mishpacha Magazine (note pdf intro), Libi Astaire explores the controversies of social media, and the Halachic issues they pose, based on a recent conference sponsored by Kishor Professional Network.

The Risks:

• Social media websites are public.  Privacy settings change numerous times without us realizing.  Exposing our personal lives violates the laws of Tznius/modesty.
• The fast pace of the Internet can be quite brain-numbing.  Instant access to information prevents us from developing skills such as analyzing information.
• Social media focuses on developing relationships with strangers in the form of fans and followers, hence weakening our interpersonal skills and relationships with those important to us, including family and friends.
• Social media is addictive and can lead to lots of wasted time.  The web is an endless pit.  Social media specializes in linking vast amounts of sites and people; it is very easy to get caught in that web.

Advantages:

• An inexpensive advertising tool that is both quick and effective.
• Social media sites will access customers who are otherwise be unavailable to you.
• Customers can easily find you via social media search engines.
• Social media constantly updates you with information about your competitors.  In this rapidly evolving world, it is important for businesses not to fall behind and lose the grip in their field.

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Ways to ensure you are Halachically safe in social media:

• Halachic advisories recommend consulting a Rav before venturing into Social Media and taking any actions.  Create a strategy and discuss it with your Rav; set clear boundaries from the start.
• Maintain a strictly business approach to prevent falling prey to personal privacy issues.  Never mix business with personal.
• Set time limits, even time blocks with an alarm, to devote to the social media aspect of the business.  This will help you avoid getting caught up in online chatting and what not, which may result in unintended neglect of your family and home.
• Be sure you regularly reevaluate the benefits of your strategy.  It may just not be worth it, not all businesses require a social media platform.